Bad Guys™ Questions and Answers

Q: The bad guys have splendid weaponry and no qualms about killing. So why do you always leave the hero in a tight spot. Just shoot 'em!

There are two reasons why we never just shoot the hero. First, dead heros make great martyrs. Once the population has a cause to rally behind, they will send in the forces. Too much heat is bad for crime. But perhaps more importantly, good heros are hard to find. If we killed them all off, there would be no one left to torment! So we have learned over the years to put heros in dire straights. Only the best will make it out alive, and those are the ones we want to keep around for sport.

 

 

Q: Do you have to be a guy to be one of the Bad Guys™?

Of course not. Many of our best operatives are female, and many are -- uh -- other. We do not discriminate on the basis of sex, race, or planetary origin.

Q: So why don't you call yourselves "The Bad Ones" or something like that?

This very matter was considered at length by our Political Correctness committee recently. Judging from the length of their meeting (it went on for more than a week), it must have been a difficult and challenging matter, requiring a record number of pizzas and barrels of beer. But the only outcome of the meeting seems to have been a multitude of belches and intestinal odors.

 

 

Q: Your motto is "Seize the Goods." Do you know the latin expression?

Hey, we're a bunch of robbers, not a bunch of scholars. But in Pig-Latin, it is "Eize-say e-they oods-gay."

 

 

Q: How can I join The Bad Guys™?

Just send $20 (Terran U.S. Dollars or equivalent) to our headquarters. It's that easy!

 

 

Q: What do I get for my membership?

Clever human! You will receive an original, hand-lettered piece of paper from one of our secretaries with the single word "Sucker!"

 

 

Q: No really, how can I join?

Do you think you can simply buy your way into the Three Galaxy's most elite criminal organization? If we want you, we'll come get you. Most likely in chains.

 

 

Q: Well, what about Bad Guys™ merchandise? You must have some cool T-shirts and Baseball Caps!

If you are interested, send mail! If a sufficient number of responses comes in, we'll see if we can work something up.

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